


Duality

by AngelWithAStory



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Critical Role: Wildemount Campaign (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Non-Sexual Intimacy, One Shot, Talking, Talking backstories but not quite, WARNINGS FOR MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE, Werewolf!caleb theory adjacent but not /really/ mentioned, mollymauk cares a lot about the stinky wizard, not really all that shippy but can be read that way, socially awkward caleb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-23 04:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13779243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelWithAStory/pseuds/AngelWithAStory
Summary: What a strange sight they must have been; the ostentatious tiefling and the squalid human. Opposites in almost every way.SPOILERS FOR NEWEST EPISODE (kinda)





	1. In The Light of the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN LIKE IT DID BUT TALIESIN JAFFE KINDA RUINED MY LIFE WHEN MOLLY KISSED CALEB'S FOREHEAD AND STOOD IN FRONT OF HIM BC HE WAS WORRIED  
> MOLLY DOESN'T CARE FOR THE HUMAN MONK BUT HE IS VERY FOND OF THE HUMAN WIZARD AND THAT IS BEAUTIFUL
> 
>  _god_ i'm such a slut for intimacy and emotional vulnerability, it's unreal
> 
> (also as is true critrole fashion for me, the chapter title is from Wait by the River by Lord Huron)
> 
> WARNINGS: scars, mentions of self harm and attempted suicide towards the middle

Caleb always made a point to do his fair share.

He did not like charity, and he always paid his debts. If he made a mess, he fixed it and moved on with his life.

Nott saved his life, so he protected hers fiercely.

This new group protected him and watched his back, so he returned the favour in kind and made himself as useful as he could.

But that _still_ didn’t explain how he ended up on the bank of a river washing Jester’s cloak.

(Maybe it was the fact that she brought him back from the brink of death a few scant hours ago, and he wanted that debt to be alleviated. Just a little bit.)

Still, he didn’t _really_ complain. Not when the rest of them were setting up the camp, and he wanted a little of peace and quiet far away from the other asking questions.

It was also a good opportunity to wash his jacket. Out of all of his dirty clothes, it was the one article that he tried to take the most care of. And since he preferred to disrobe away from the rest of the group, this seemed like a golden opportunity.

A branch snapped somewhere behind him.

Caleb already had a spell half-cast before he turned around-

Only to see Mollymauk standing there with his hands up and a small smile on his face.

“I’m unarmed.” He said.

“Very funny.” Caleb said, because they both knew it was a lie. He dropped the spell and turned back to the river.

He didn’t say anything but he _did_ quietly note Molly kneeling by the river beside and shrugging off his coat. Not too close; giving Caleb enough room but being a reassuring presence nonetheless.

“Hope you don’t mind,” Molly said, busying himself with wetting a few areas of the fabric, “but I’ve learned that it’s better to get the blood stains out sooner rather than later.”

Caleb nodded. He wasn’t good with _this_. Talking.

Making friends.

They were already uneasy acquaintances that kept each other at a respectable distance and spoke when needed to. What more could they be?

“Why do you do that to yourself?” Caleb asked, freezing once he realised he’d said the words out loud. He looked away from Molly and down at the jacket in his grip.

The anxiety in his head started to flare up as he waited for Molly’s reaction. The words quickly died when he heard Molly’s quiet laughter and glanced up to see those red eyes on him.

“Well I’ll put it this way,” Molly said, sitting back for a moment, “if I didn’t do this to myself, I would have died a long time ago.”

They let the words hang in the air between them for just a moment.

“I just wondered. About all the scars, I mean.” Caleb stumbled over the words , but he didn’t look away.

“My scars have kept me alive. The exact opposite of what yours tried to do.” Molly said. He looked pointedly at Caleb’s scarred wrists and forearms (though it was a little hard to tell with no pupil).

Caleb finally looked away. Molly noticed how he tried to pull his sleeves down to his palm, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel pity. Still, something twisted in his stomach.

“Do they bother you?” Molly asked. He had the feeling that Caleb would never mention it if he was the one who had to bring it up. Honestly, Molly had no plans on _really_ changing anything about him, but if he was actively making Caleb uncomfortable, then _maybe_ he would be a little bit more subtle during a fight.

Maybe.

“Not as much as they would had I met you a few years ago.” Caleb said, baring just that tiniest little bit of his soul. Molly blinked when he realised there was a little smile on Caleb’s face. “Don’t worry, I made the choice to live a long time ago. And I don’t plan on going back on my promises.”

He finished scrubbing his jacket and picked up Jester’s cloak, soaking it and beginning to rub the small knob of soap along the dirtiest patches.

“And how long ago did you make this choice?” Molly asked, his voice devoid of any malicious tone, “about as long as you’ve known Nott?”

“About since Nott saved my life.” Caleb said, and Molly noted that they weren’t quite the same thing.

The quiet lapsed between them again.

Molly knew a lot about secrets and a past that still creeps up on you and puts its hand around your throat until you cannot breathe. He knew that pretty intimately. He knew how it felt when someone tried to pry his secrets from him.

But he liked the silence less.

Molly gently knocked Caleb with his shoulder.

“Come on, question for a question.” He said, “Let’s get to know each other.”

“Alright,” Caleb said, giving himself a second to think before he met Molly’s eye again, “why the circus? And don’t just tell me that it was because you were weird, because I don’t believe that anymore.” He said, and he couldn’t help but feel a little thrill of victory when Molly laughed.

“That’s a fair question. I guess… A circus is a good place to run away and be alone without really running away or being alone.” Molly said, using the pad of his thumb to work away a particularly stubborn bit of blood on his hem, “if you didn’t like it somewhere, then you just moved on. If something was wrong, there was a crowd of people either willing to listen or get you drunk until you felt better. That and it’s hard to feel like a freak when you’re surrounded by them.”

Caleb nodded sagely, filing this information away neatly, as he usually did when he sat back and watched the world go without him. Molly wondered just how much of life he’d missed hiding in forests and sleeping rough.

“You know, uh,” Caleb said, shuffling just a little closer, “that _spit_ gets rid of blood stains quite effectively.”

Molly’s motions paused and he didn’t bother hiding his look of surprise.

“Does it really?” He asked, genuinely curious now.

“Well it has to be your own blood and your own spit, but, uh, _yes_ it does work. At least that has been my experience with it.” Caleb said, then he glanced down at the garment, “though if that is silk, as it looks, then you may need some salt or a saline solution.”

Molly was stunned into quiet for a moment. Then his posture softened and he leaned into Caleb’s presence.

“You’ve had to do this a lot, have you?” He teased, tentatively lifting the coat and licking at the stain on the hem. May as well start small.

“Just from helping out my mother as a young child.” Caleb said, not realising just how much that little nugget of the past really meant to Molly. To be trusted with even a little information from him was a feat in of itself.

Molly nodded. He didn’t want to push his luck anymore than he already had. The blood stain was disappearing between the water and the spit, and Molly _really_ couldn't help but be impressed. 

“How about one more question each then we return to the group?” Caleb asked, lifting up the cloak from the water, “I think this is about as clean as I will be able to get it.”

“I think I’ve learned more from you this evening than you’ve learned about me, in all honesty.” Molly said, a small crease between his brows.

“You are a puzzle I do not want to just be _told_ all the answers to, Mollymauk.” Caleb said, and _oh_ wasn’t that a promise. “And I do not think we can find all the answers tonight, anyway.”

“That sounds fair,” Molly said, “go on, you ask your question first. I want a moment to think.”

Caleb was quiet for a moment, distractedly watching Molly try to get out the last blood stain using his own spit.

“Why are you still here with this group? Why didn’t you go with the rest of your circus?” Caleb asked, as hesitantly as if this question had been bothering him for a while. But Molly didn’t have to think about his answer.

“You’re an _interesting_ lot,” Molly said, sitting back for a moment. He fixed Caleb with an open and honest look, “yes we’ve all got our hang-ups and we’re all a mess, but at least we have people watching out for us. I’d rather be moving in a group than drifting along on my own. Or Gods-forbid staying in one place.”

“Thank you. For answering.” Caleb said. He cast his eyes down to the cloak in his hands.

Methodically, he began to squeeze the water out of the fabric. When he stopped, he felt Mollymauk’s eyes on him.

“I believe it’s your turn to ask a question.” Caleb said carefully.

Molly didn’t speak for a few, long moments.

Then he pulled his coat out the river and turned his body to face Caleb even more.

“What are you running from, Caleb Widogast?”

The air around them changed. It felt _colder_ , more electric.

This was a turning point.

Molly had played his hand.

Now Caleb had to decide if he wanted to play his.

“The same thing as everyone else here,” Caleb said slowly. He met Molly’s eye unflinchingly and Molly could see the ghosts inside the human’s head, “I’m running from the things and the people that hurt me.”

“Why would someone hurt a dirty bookworm?” Molly asked, putting a touch of flippancy in his voice to disguise the serious question he posed. Caleb didn’t buy it, but he kept that to himself.

Instead he took this as an opportunity to reach out to someone who was willing to listen.

“If I show you something, you must promise never to repeat it to anyone.” Caleb said. He was taking a chance now, and he didn’t want to be proven wrong.

“You have my word.” Molly promised.

It took a second longer for Caleb to move. He sat back from the river and turned away from Molly. Caleb took a shallow breath and pulled his shirt off over his head.

He didn’t need to see Molly’s face to know his reaction. It wasn’t a gasp, but Caleb still heard the little, sharp intake of breath. He could practically _feel_ how Molly’s shoulders tensed and the disgusted look on his face.

“Am I okay to touch you?” Molly’s voice was softer than Caleb expected and it almost knocked the wind out of him in relief. Caleb nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

Molly’s fingertips were warm where they brushed across the branded word and knotted scars that Caleb had carried with him for close to two decades now. Caleb could feel him trace the word, like a child learning to read through motions.

The shiver was involuntary when Molly’s palm flattened against Caleb’s back.

“It’s Zemnian.” Molly said, not really a question, “What does it mean?”

“ _Monster._ ”

Caleb felt Molly’s hand curl into a fist, resting against Caleb’s back.

“I’m not going to ask why.” Molly reasoned, partially to himself, “because I don’t think I want to know.”

“I don’t think I would have told you, even if you had asked.” Caleb said.

“I assume Nott is the only other person that knows?” Molly asked.

“Nott doesn’t know. I didn’t want to worry her.” Caleb’s voice was whisper-quiet.

“She’s never seen?” Now Molly’s frown was evident in his tone. “Even after travelling with her for so long?”

“I made it a point not to let her see them. She worries enough as it is.” Caleb said.

“Well then I’m strangely honoured that you trust me with this.” Molly admitted, letting his hand flatten on Caleb’s back again. He could feel Caleb’s quick heartbeat against his palm, and it was strangely reassuring. “Is it alright if I give you a hug, Caleb? Because I want to give you a hug.”

Caleb didn’t say anything, but he did lean back into Molly’s touch, which was more than enough permission for Molly to lean in and pull Caleb to his chest.

It was a little awkward since Caleb was still shirtless (but maybe that was just Caleb overthinking everything again). Molly’s arms tightened around his waist and Caleb leaned into the contact. It had been _so long_ since he’d just been _held_ that it was almost overwhelming.

Molly’s hands gripping the waistband of his trousers and Caleb clutched Molly’s forearms and Molly rested his chin on Caleb’s shoulder and Caleb breathed easier than he had in a long time.

What a strange sight they must have been; the ostentatious tiefling and the squalid human. Opposites in almost every way.

“We should get back to the others,” Caleb said quietly. He could feel the goosebumps begin to rise on his skin as the temperature slowly dropped.

“You cold?” Molly asked, noticing how Caleb shivered when he pulled away.

“I’m human, we get cold easily.” Caleb pulled on his shirt as soon as Molly stood up to retrieve all their laundry. “Why do you think I always wear a coat and a scarf?”

“I thought it was a very drab fashion choice.” Molly admitted, listening to Caleb’s little laugh as he gathered up all the wet clothes.

“We can’t all be as fancy as you, Tealeaf.” Caleb finally stood up and stretched.

“Indeed, we cannot.” Molly agreed, holding out Caleb’s sodden jacket for him to take. “Come on, let’s get you in front of a fire.”

He waited for Caleb to take the jacket before he leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. The action was so effortless and natural that it took Caleb a moment of walking before it fully registered.

Caleb didn’t need the fire to feel warm after that.


	2. If I Can't Evade My Fate, Then I Won't Sit Around and Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also known as 'the author has fun with tarot cards' because I was bored and I've been playing with my critical role major arcana cards and they are my new fave thing ever, I love them

Caleb liked sitting on watch, even if he couldn’t see into the dark beyond the firelight. He liked the quiet and the serenity of the night. It was the perfect time to study, to read without interruption.

There were many nights growing up where Caleb had stayed awake, reading by the light of a candle or by the light of the moon. Even after he left, some nights sleep evaded him and the only comfort he could find was from the words written on a page.

Old comforts tended to be the strongest.

And tonight was no different, as Caleb pulled the book from its holster and let it fall to a random page. He absently reached out to scratch Frumpkin’s head as he huddled against Nott. It felt very familiar.

At least, tonight would be no different if the rest of the group was, in fact, asleep.

Caleb tried to ignore it, but in the end, he knew he had to address it.

“Mollymauk, you are a fantastic actor but why are you not asleep?” He asked, loud enough to be heard, but not loud enough to wake the sleeping Nott beside him.

To his credit, Molly did not keep the pretence up. Instead, he snorted in amusement and sat up, stretching his arms above his head as he did so.

“Perceptive, aren’t you?” He teased, letting his arms fall on his lap heavily.

“Molly, why are you still awake?” Caleb asked again, not moving from where he sat.

He frowned as he watched Molly stand up from where he’d placed his bedroll, carefully step over Beau, then Jester, and finally sit down next to Caleb. He never slept decorated, and it was a little odd for Caleb to see Molly without all his usual golden garnish.

“I’m keeping you company.” Molly answered, throwing Caleb a grin.

“You’re exhausted, go to sleep.” Caleb said.

“But I’m awake now. Might as well help you keep watch since you can’t see in the dark.” Molly said back, making it abundantly clear that Caleb would not win this argument.

He sat back a little and tilted his head up so he could look at the stars - or those that could be seen from their little camp. Caleb knew he wasn’t being _ignored_ exactly, but it was still the silent cue that Molly was giving him some space. So Caleb took that as permission to go back to his book.

Soon enough, Molly had produced his pack of cards from somewhere and began shuffling them, rearranging them, laying a few of them out, studying them, then cutting them back into the pack and starting all over again. It felt almost like a ritual, and Caleb found himself distracted.

Molly’s movements were so fluid and so graceful, that Caleb could only think of it like casting a spell. Controlled, yes, but still something that could take on a life of its own if you weren’t careful enough.

Caleb blinked and let his eyes register on the card Molly was holding up between them. It was beautifully designed and intricate in its depiction of a pale moon and a silver woman that stood in front of it. Silvery metal flowed from her open palms and spilled down to create the card’s border. The moon watched, unimpressed.

“I know you’re not one for fortunes, but I keep pulling this card whenever I’m sat next to you.” Molly said. He wasn’t quite looking at Caleb, but he definitely was watching his reaction. “I think it could be yours.”

“My card?” Caleb repeated, glancing up from the artwork.

“People tend to have a card that matches their... _energy_ let’s call it.” Molly explained, shuffling the card back into the pack, “it’s a card that describes them or suits them best. Of course, it can change, but it looks like that cards likes you, Widogast.” He had a little smile on his face as he laid out a few more cards and flipped them over.

The moon card was amongst them.

“Who taught you how to read cards?” Caleb asked, using his thumb as a bookmark as he closed it. While he had no interest in divining his own future, it was still interesting to watch when Molly read Jester’s future.

“Lord knows,” Molly answered easily, doing a little complicated trick and executing it well, “as far as I’m concerned I could always do this. Half the act’s telling people what they want to hear, anyway.”

“So it’s a con?” Caleb asked. He would prefer it if they were on somewhat familiar ground.

“It’s more like listening to what someone’s worried about and pushing them in the right direction to fix it.” Molly said. Then he looked over at Caleb and smiled. “Care for a reading?”

“Is that your way of asking me if I’m okay?” Caleb asked.

“Am I that transparent?” Molly’s voice was light, but it wasn’t really an answer. Something in Caleb’s face must have tipped Molly off that his antics weren’t working, so Molly let the pretence fall, “you never talked about what happened in the mines.”

“We talked-”

“No, they asked and you avoided the question,” Molly said. He pulled another card from the middle of the pack. The image looking back at him was of a shadowy figure with bright blue eyes and copper dripping from its mouth. One dagger was held in its hand and another was stabbed into where the heart should have been, more streams of copper running towards the border.

_Death_.

It was horrifying and something in Caleb’s stomach twisted as he recognised the image.  “I’m not asking why it happened. I’m asking how do we not let it happen again.”

Caleb watched Molly shuffle the cards again. Molly pulled another card and showed it to him. It was... _beautiful_. A grand, complicated clock tower standing before snow-tipped mountains. The clock face was intricate, and different colours, and filled with smaller clocks that ticked away the days and months and years. The black border seemed to blend into the darkening sky which almost made it seem like the clock tower was _glowing_ in the low light.

_Temperance_.

“What does that card mean?” Caleb asked, somehow entranced by it. Frowning, Molly turned the card and looked at it. Then he laughed. But he quickly stopped when he saw Jester’s form shift, just a little.

“Patience. That time will always pass and balance everything.” Molly said, keeping his voice low. “Do you believe that, Caleb?”

“I’m not sure what I believe.” Caleb said honestly. “But I know that time can’t heal everything.”

“Time on its own, probably not. Time and someone who listens, maybe.” Molly said. He kept his voice as gentle as the crackling of the fire. “It’s doesn’t have to be me.”

“Why do you care so much about what happens to me, Tealeaf?” Caleb’s voice hardened, for just a moment. There was a flash of anger in his eye. No, not anger.

_Grief_.

“Because in that mine when you watched the priest burn to death, I’d seen that look on your face before.” Molly admitted, his words challenging Caleb to keep his gaze, “That first night in the circus. When I looked in my cup and saw my reflection.”

The campfire crackled as another log broke under the fire’s persuasion. Nott snored particularly loudly next to Caleb. Beau rolled over in her sleep, facing away from the fire. A bird somewhere above them called out in the darkness.

But Caleb and Molly were silent.

“I know the face of a broken man before he allows himself to be fixed.” Molly said quietly, reaching forwards and pulling Caleb forwards to rest their foreheads together, “I won’t ask what broke you, and I’m not going to tell you what broke me, but I’m not going to stand by and let you break yourself further.”

Caleb’s eyes slid closed. He could feel Molly’s pulse where his thumb rested on the side of his face.

“If not for yourself, then for that little goblin that thinks the world of you and devotes everything she has to keeping you alive.” Molly whispered.

“How did you do it?” Caleb’s voice cracked as he spoke but neither of them acknowledged it, “How do you make it stop?” Caleb’s hands twisted in Molly’s shirt, clinging to reality as his lungs took ragged breaths.

“Time, mostly.” Molly said, “Toya, helping me find my voice. A lot of steps backwards, a lot of nights spent drunk and high and desperately chasing some sense of normality. It’s work. Sometimes it never really stops. But if you want some help, I’m here.”

Caleb sniffed. He let himself _feel_ for just a moment. Just let himself _exist_ for a moment.

Then he opened his eyes.  And Mollymauk gently patted his face.

“Thank you,” Caleb was quiet in the darkness, but Molly unstood the full weight of the words.

“One day we’ll all have a big long talk about our issues, but not tonight.” Molly said. “Go on, try and get some sleep.”

“ _Nein_ , it’s alright,” Caleb said, but he leaned back. Something in his chest felt lighter after this little talk, “I’m already awake, and it’s not fair to leave the watch to you.”

“Whatever keeps your mind at ease,” Molly said a little flippantly, but he kissed Caleb’s forehead nonetheless. There was a little smile on his face as he picked up his cards again.

Caleb picked up his book again. He’d lost his page but it only took a few moments to find it again.

They both settled into their little hobbies, sat in a... _companionable_ silence. It was a feeling that was slowly becoming normal, and that was only slightly terrifying to Caleb.

That didn’t stop him from leaning over, resting his head on Molly’s shoulder and watching him pull cards over and over again.

He watched Molly pull three cards.

_The Magician,_

_The Hermit,_

_The Hanged Man_.

Caleb didn’t ask, and Molly didn’t tell, but they both knew who those cards referred to.

Molly pulled a fourth card. It showed a wagon wheel with runes hurdling along a dirt road. The image itself wasn’t particularly stunning, but it was beautiful in its simplicity. Caleb wondered if Molly ever got tired of looking at these cards.

_Wheel of Fortune._

“We’ve got some big changes coming.” Molly said quietly.

“I’m beginning to think we can handle them.” Caleb said.

“I’m beginning to think that you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really loving how Molly and Caleb's friendship is developing and I'm SO here for it

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [queenmoggy](http://queenmoggy.tumblr.com/) on tumblr and I'm linking to it because i SAID I would write this and so DAMN i'm going to write this


End file.
